Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Not all of us lesbians worship Melissa Etheridge!!

Okay, enough already with the Melissa Etheridge idolatry! We don't all have Melissa on our turntables. In point of fact, I don't own a CD of hers (or a cassette come to that.)

Can I truly be thought of as a real lesbian?

Let's survey and assess the facts.

* I don't TiVO and neither do I (perish the thought of anything so retro) "tape" the Ellen DeGeneres Show.

* I don't watch the L Word religiously (and neither do I read the fan boards.)

* I don't like "women's" music. (Hang on, does this include Sarah McLachlan?)

* I have never seen a single episode of "Queer as Folk" (but I do love "Six Feet Under," so maybe that cancels out?)

* I've never had group sex. (Yeah, and me a sex therapist!)

* I don't subscribe to "Curve" magazine.

* I don't have a rainbow decal on my car.

* I don't drive a pick-up truck or a small SUV.

* I don't know how to swagger.

* I wear underwear.

* I've never been to San Francisco.

* I don't vacation in Provincetown.

* I've never been on an Olivia Cruise.

Hmm...pretty damming evidence, right?

However, I still :

* Have the hots for K.D. Lang.

* Think longingly of the teeny, tiny, anorexic braid affected by any self-respecting dyke back in the day!

* Daydream with nostalgia of the time I attended a Michigan Womyn's Music Festival back in 1982 when I was young and impressionable.

* Keep my finger nails short and my toe nails too, although I suspect that doesn't count. (Unless the rules have changed??)

* Have a crush on Rosie O'Donnell.

and, last but not least, I write a lesbian blog.

Surely, this must all count for something?


Blogger Geeky Dragon Girl said...

I'm no Melissa Etheridge fan either! And I watch Ellen's talk show from time to time, but I enjoy her comedy routines more. I don't have any rainbow stickers on my car, but I would like to. I've never been on an Olivia Cruise either, but I would LOVE to.

Screw the stereotypes. We're all individuals! :)

1:48 PM  
Blogger Geeky Dragon Girl said...

Hey it's me again. Just wanted to let you know that every time I comment here I get an email from Blogger saying it wasn't able to deliver the message. I'm guessing it's the notification you get when you get a comment? You might want to check on that.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Sapphique said...

Geeky: Wow, thanks for letting me know about the non-arrival of mail. I've been having trouble with my web hosting service, so will double-check on what's happening.

And yes, we ARE all individuals, aren't we? (Maybe we'll bump into each other on an Olivia cruise sometime!)

11:13 PM  
Anonymous catpowernap said...

Oh I'm a rubbish Lesbian I really have no idea who Melissa etheridge is and lets consider the other points:
1. We don't get the ED show and wouldn't tape it if we did
2. I have watched the L word but certainly not religiously, and I didn't even know there were 'fanboards'
3. is that womyns music sigh, give me 'The Feeling' any day
4. eek trouble keeping up with one woman let alone more
5. Don't get it here and don't read the only Lesbian mag -Diva
6. I actually tutted at this, ruin my lovely car with stickers, tut.
7. I have a lovely car
8. only when drunk and that is probably more a stagger
9. who doesn't - shudder
10. never even been to the west coast of US
11. Spain is where it is at!
12. Only cruising I have done is the high speed ferry between Dover and Calais
13. I don't have the hots for kd
14. never attended any festival
15. I had a teeny tiny braid, I was ten, and we called it a rats tail. a true baby dyke
16. Yes this I one I do
17. Really?
18. No Blog

So the only thing that makes me a lesbian is my short nails, and my love of ladies of course, well one specific lady.

sigh I really must try harder

9:07 AM  
Blogger Sapphique said...

Catpowernap, trying hard is absolutely verboten! Please, let's not aim for homogeneity (sheesh, how do you spell that?) in our community any more than it already appears to have become. Short nails are good for hygiene, and loving the ladies is required for membership, right? You get a free lifetime pass as far as I'm concerned!

4:55 PM  
Blogger Stokley said...

I'm not a big fan of Melissa's but I do have a serious crush on her wife. I refuse to put anything "gay" on my car because I love my car and I don't want to give the rednecks I live around a big target to easily spot the dyke. (though if they saw me personally I do kind of look like a walking billboard for societies sterotypical dyke). Oh and I've been to Michigan a few times, so I guess I'm alright, though I don't watch Ellen either.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Sapphique said...

Stokley, welcome aboard. I don't even know who Ms. Etheridge's wife is. I guess I should, just so that I can keep up. I understand the bumper sticker thing. I love my car too, and don't want it trashed (although there aren't so many rednecks in Massachusetts).

Stereotypical dykes are the hottest kind! ;-)

9:15 PM  
Anonymous outsidemymind said...

Melissa Etheridge - well I am a fan was a huge fan than I realized...she is as human as I am ...not a super dyke as many perceive her to be...and hell I can sing and yell with the best of them and I have yet to receive a record deal...

TiVO - reminds me of the group DiVo...and I never cared for them either...besides that is what reruns are for...

L Word - g/f and I have watched it but never have been a fan of soaps when real life is soapy enough for me

Sarah McLachlan.... - sorry kid - she does fall into that category especially if you saw her at a Lilth Faire show...

Six Feet Under will always win!!

Group sex...even in my younger days never had or thought of it...I hear it makes for great porn though

"Curve" magazine - I subscript to the Village Voice - does that count?? lol

Rainbow Deals - sorry why ruin an expensive paint job???

Small suv - I am guilty

Swagger - only if I am drunk and that is ALWAYS a Stagger...

Underwear - very important item!!

SanFranciso - only as a kid

Provincetown - again see kid thing

Olivia Cruise - PLEASE - who in their right mind would go on one of those and spend that type of money...I would rather go on the Circle Line and watch the garbage float around least I know if the boat sinks I an swim to shore

K.D.Lang -- you can keep her I will take Sophie B Hawkins

Tiny can keep that I always kept hair long and down to my arse

Michigan Womyn's Festival...back in 1982 ...missed you by a year

Finger nails - go without saying!!

Rosie O'Donnell...enjoy that crush!!mine is one Isabella Rossellini

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Mar said...

I don't have a rainbow sticker on my car, but I do have a SUV. I don't like Melissa Ethridge or Kd Lang. Love San Fracisco not only for their pride. One thing I want to in the world do you have a crush on ROSIE...yuck!
I dont care for stereo type...But I am in love with the most amazing woman in the world.

5:46 PM  

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