Friday, November 07, 2008

I'm being pursued... a very wonderful woman (WW) who lives on Cape Cod. I'm also in the midst of a very, very messy separation and divorce after ten long years of struggle and, as I pointed out to the woman in question, I'm just not a good bet at the moment. Right now things are amicable, but sad between Mr. Lesbian and I. But s/he's in full-scale wooing-and-pursuit mode believing, erroneously, that s/he can lure me back. As soon as s/he realizes that I'm not returning, I believe things will get ugly. I'm gearing myself up for that. As I informed WW, I'm not a good bet at the moment. In the past, I've leaped from one relationship straight to another, so that I don't have to experience the feelings of leftover sadness from the previous one. I don't want to do that again. I AM sad. I AM disappointed. I DO feel bitter that it didn't work out for me and Mr. Lesbian. And I don't want to jump into something else romantic without having a chance to work through the complexity of those feelings and how they impact me. And as I don't do anything casual, let alone lover relationships and/or sex, this is where I'll be until I'm done with feeling it. Doesn't sound frightfully appealing to a new potential lover does it? I just don't want to sugar-coat the reality of where I am in my life at the moment.

So, even if I was interested in WW from Cape Cod, that's a very long way from where I live, folks. For somebody like me who tries to primarily eat local foods, is invested in local activism and community building and tries to make friendships in a 20 mile radius for community-building/sustainability reasons, I'm not sure whether a girlfriend on Cape Cod (no matter how wonderful she is) is in my future. I could be wrong.